gratitude and big girl beds

I just felt like putting into words right now how grateful I feel. My kids are both sleeping, and I am in my new craft/scrapbooking space, and It is making me feel really really good. Oh scrapbooking how I have missed you! Until yesterday Amelia was still sleeping in the crib in Ben's room. The plan was always to have her in the other room, but because we had austin and then because of several other things, including being really pregnant and having a baby, we never really got on this and, well, she sleeps so good in the crib. I have to admit, too, I didn't mind being in control of putting her in bed and getting her out, this means no mess to wake up to after my nap! Anyway, yesterday I decided to bite the bullet and set out to put up her new big girl bed (thanks Dave and Mel!:)) Which I ended up being able to do all by myself, even though it looked really confusing to me (I confess I did have a little help from the internet fairy and online instructions about halfway through). Amelia was very excited and kept asking me if this was her big girl bed (Yes baby, for the hundredth time, this is your bed). But when it came to nap time, as soon as I shut the door the crying started. I just decided to close my ears and see if she would cry it out and go to sleep. The Drama cry, as I like to call it, went off and on for about half an hour, and then she got quiet, at which point I found her curled up on her bed asleep. YES! SUCCESS! Now fast forward several hours to bed time and repeat the whole thing, except add in another half an hour of crying (yep, an hours worth). The end result is still asleep in her bed, which I count as another success! This is where the grateful part comes in. I was a little worried that I was going to have front row seats to cry fest 3. But apparently in this case third time's the charm! I put her in bed, no complaints, and checked on her 15 mins later after hearing absolutely nothing from her. She was just laying in bed chatting to her furry friends (yes all 900 of them that live on her bed at all times), and upon checking again later she was asleep just like that! Say it with me now, YES!!! I am feeling really grateful for such a sweet little girl right now. Certain things have been a bit of a challenge with her, but for the most part she was an easy baby and is now a pretty good toddler. Although I do not love 2 year old freak-outs, hers are very short lived, and rarely turn into mondo tantrums. She slept through the night at 6 weeks, and decided to give up the bottle all on her own shortly after her first birthday. She is sweet and loving and smart as they come, and I can't get enough of her cute little face. I am grateful for her!

So where does this figure into my craft space? Since Amelia is now in the other room, and ben is still in our room, I get to share Ben's room. Its not much, but i can leave thins out if i want to and i have room for all of my things ans a workspace. Thats more than I've ever had. And that makes me grateful. I'm also grateful for Paul all over again. He brought all of my things (and it is a lot) up from the basement (thats 2 floors) and got is all set up for me so i could go at it and make it mine. And he is almost more excited about it than I am! He has all of these plans of the craft room he wants to make me one day, and I love that. He knows it makes me happy and makes time and space so I can have me time. I'm grateful for all that he does for me and for his love, support and understanding. And for getting me, the real me, more than anyone else.

Our SONshine!

I know its been almost 3 weeks since our sweet son came into this world, but let me tell you, its been a busy time! Here's how our baby's first day looked. Like I wrote in my last post, I was induced on Friday the 16Th. I think Thursday night was the longest night of my life! It felt so strange and exciting to know that my baby boy was coming the very next day. I also was unsure how the day was going to go, since all I knew was that they would call me in the morning to let me know when to come in. Well, turns out that they called at like 6:30 in the morning to say come in at 8, totally ruining any chance of getting more sleep. So I got up and did what I usually do when i am nervous or excited or both - check everything over and become a total weirdo! Anyway, we got up and eventually made it over to the hospital. We made a quick stop at McDonald's on the way-i have to confess i seriously love their bacon and egg bagels, regardless of how unhealthy those suckers are. It was my last breakfast before untold amounts of hospital food disgustingness, and so I caved. And it was delicious! I asked Paul to give me a blessing in the car before we went in, but requested that he not make me cry- which didn't work. But the blessing was wonderful, and I was so very grateful to have a worthy priesthood holder husband! We finally got up to L&D, after an incredibly long wait at admissions, and it didn't take them long to get me all hooked up and attached to all those tubes and such. I saw my Dr. shortly after, and she said she wanted to have a baby by supper, and that surprised me. I was in labor with Amelia for over 30 hours, so I was aiming for sometime before midnight. I thought that was pretty optimistic! Things started off pretty mildly, but I was having regular contractions by about 10 am. They gradually got stronger, but I was able to deal with it. Dr. Barnes came in at 3 and checked me, and I was at 3cm, which was a little less than what I was hoping for, but still progress. She decided to break my water at that point, and as soon as she did, she felt like I went to 4cm, which was great! She told me that if I wanted an epidural that I should think about it pretty quick, because things were going to go a lot faster from here. I was feeling pretty good at that point, so I said I'd wait a little bit and see. She was right. within about 15 mins the contractions were much harder and faster, and so I decided to have an epidural. They were great about getting the anesthesiologist there right away, and It was all done within about 30 mins. So now we are approaching 4pm, I'm 4cm, and the nurse (whom I found a little brash when i was in labor with Amelia, but knew what she was doing) comes in and says that I'm not laboring hard enough and that I'm not in nearly enough pain! She thinks they did the epidural too quickly, and starts poking and prodding my belly. She comes to the conclusion that the baby is head down, but not as far as we need, because he is a little crooked and the top of his head is against my hip, and he is facing the wrong way. She tells me to get up on my hands and knees on the bed (don't forget that i have an epidural in at this point!) and that I need to get this baby to turn. It doesn't take long before I feel a big gush and my contraction suddenly get a lot stronger, and I'm feeling a TON of pressure. The nurse just tells me that this is just pressure on my bowels because he is facing the wrong way still. I knew better and tried to tell her, but she just wouldn't get it. So they all leave, and things are going really fast. Another nurse comes back in as I'm having a contraction, and kind of clues in as to what is going on. She decides to check me, and says that I am 7-8cm, and leaves right away to call the doctor and get things ready. Mentally I'm doing a little freak out, I totally feel like I'm not ready to push yet, when my body so obviously is. I had so long to gear myself up for it with Amelia that I was really ready. This was a whole new territory to me. Within 15 minutes and 3 pushes later our beautiful son, Benjamin Paul Straight was born, at 6:01 pm. Yeah, I went from 3 cm to 10cm and had a baby in 3 hours. No wonder i wasn't ready! 3 is significantly less than 30! After all of that We had our baby boy, who was 6lbs 14oz and 19 3/4 in long. He seemed so tiny to me after Amelia's 8lbs 9oz. He still does! As of yesterday he is 7lbs 10oz, and seems like he has grown a lot, even though he is still so small to me. He is such a good, content baby, and we feel really lucky. He is such a sweet new spirit in our home, and I am grateful to my Heavenly Father all over again for the blessing of being a mother. Regardless of how hard and challenging it can be, it is a joyful and wonderful thing, and I feel blessed continually by my children. It has definitely been a bit if a transition around here lately, especially for Amelia, but she is a sweet girl, and loves her "baby brudder" very much, although a little too much sometimes. I am also very grateful to my Heavenly Father for a loving and patient husband. He is such a strength and rock for me, and continues to make me feel like super mom and wonder wife, even on the hard days, the days when absolutely nothing in the house gets done, and the days when I want to sell my children by the time he comes home. He'll just buy them from me and return them when I have changed my mind and decided I'll try keeping them just a little longer. I'm also grateful for my family. I may not have always felt that way, but They have been such a support of love and strength and help over the last little while. For watching Amelia all of the times I had to go into the hospital, for meals and help around the house, and for prayers and prayers for me and us. Here's a quick peek at our sweet boy.

He's so skinny!

High Blood pressure + mucho fluids in IV's = Holy Swollen!

What a Proud Daddy!

Meeting for the first time - She wouldn't even touch him for about 3 days

Check out those hairy shoulders!

This one is my favorite! I could get lost in those blue eyes!

one for the record

OK, so I feel like in trying express myself on here a little more often I should probably post something tonight. Paul is gone for the night and took Kenny and Amelia with him, leaving me home all by my lonesome! Not that I am complaining, but I'm not sure I even remember the last time I was all by myself at home, so it feels a little strange. I keep thinking that Amelia is asleep in her bed and that I need to be quiet, or something like that! So therefore, with my current freedom, I will post a quick note.

I did go to see my Dr on Tuesday, and she decided to induce me on Friday. I really couldn't believe it. She just thinks that with everything that's been going on with my blood pressure, and now with the decelerations in his heart rate, its now looking safer for him to be out than in, especially as my risk for a stroke increases all of the time by bp is so high. So, here I am quite possibly only 2 days from seeing my baby, and I feel a little overwhelmed. It feels a little surreal, because I have imagined her inducing me (it mostly seemed like a good idea in my head) once I reached term, since I have been so miserable the last 2 weeks. But, somehow, as I'm sure most of you moms can understand, I just kind of never felt like it was really going to end and that being induced would never happen, and that I would just have to suffer and wait. In talking to my Dr on Tuesday, I guess I never really absorbed how dangerous it is for both of us when my BP is so high, even though I knew it all already. So now I just feel relieved to know that the end is near and soon we'll get to meet this little guy, and we'll get to move on into the next phase of our lives, cause boy am I ready! It also feels a little strange to know that my baby will be here this weekend, as I didn't know with Amelia and most people don't get to know. I feel a little like I'm cheating on an exam or something!

I also feel a little anxious this time, although to be honest I was anxious last time, too, just for different reasons. I was nervous about the unknown last time, whereas this time I know a little of what is ahead of me. I guess I'm just coming to the full realization of what I'm about to do again, and that is definitely cause for a little apprehension. Having Amelia was a long and really hard labor. There were a lot of things going on and lots of other things that made those few days really difficult both physically and emotionally. I know its the second time around, and that its supposed to be easier, I am just really praying that its true come Friday. I do feel grateful to know that some of those things that I had to deal with last time will be non-issues this time. This time I know my doctor and have a good relationship with her. That's one of the hugest things. Being transferred hospitals and doctors last time was not a good experience, and caused all sorts of issues. But this time I know my Dr and as she is inducing me, she will be there, and that makes me feel grateful and relieved. Having also been in and out of the hospital several time over the last few weeks, I have been able to get to know the L&D nurses at the mis really well, and really like almost all of them. Some of them aren`t my favorite, but they really aren`t all that bad, and I know what to expect from them and how to deal with it. I also am way more comfortable with the mis itself, as last time it was just forced upon me, and I was taken there. It turned out to be OK, but I know a little more of what I am getting into. I`m also kind of glad that I`m already starting to dilate, as Is my Dr. She says it will only make things go faster for me and easier, which I am definitely for. I`m nervous, but I know that most of the things I will encounter I have already done once, so I can do it. And I definitely know that it will be worth it. I kind of knew that last time, but its not a feeling you can understand until you`re there. I feel this crazy love and protectiveness over him already, I can`t Imagine what it will be like when he finally comes!

But, I guess I should stop dwelling and just enjoy these last few days before he comes, even though that's almost impossible! I know there`s only a little bit of time left but it feels like forever! So bye for now, while I`m still huge and swollen, I may not get another chance to post before our new friend comes!

SSo here`s one last look at the belly, although I don`t really love this look, i like that it is true to how huge I feel! It also makes me think that I look like I am just palming a basketball under my shirt that I have just stolen!

PS. I keep having all these weird dreams and thoughts about him being a girl! I was ans am totally ready and want my little boy, but if he comes out a girl after all of this, i don`t know that I`ll DO! It makes me laugh a little just thinking about it!

Love and Babies

First of all I have to say Happy Anniversary to my little family! One year ago yesterday we were sealed together as an eternal family! Its been such a fun year and I am so grateful to know that we will be together forever! Especially that I get to be with my wonderful husband for eternity. He is so good and patient with me, I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather spend that time with. Amelia is such a fun addition to our family too, even though she is well into that 2 year old thing, if you know what I mean! And I couldn't be happier to add one more to us so soon! We love him so much already and I can't wait to see just how he'll fit in. I know he'll fill that perfect spot that's missing right now, even if I don't feel like anythings missing yet! So Happy Anniversary guys, I love you!

On to other things, which in our life right now means crazy baby things! Last Tuesday I had my doctor's appointment, as I mentioned, and it was interesting, to say the least. I had trace of protein in my urine, which until now has not been there. My blood pressure was also up, in her office it was 154/100, again much too high. I also lost 2 lbs, which I shouldn't be doing, but wasn't her biggest concern. She decided to put me on Labetelol, a blood pressure medication, and see st my NST on Friday if it was helping. She also talked about the home care program, which had been mentioned to me in the hospital a few times, but said that in her opinion it would be kind of useless as the home care nurses would likely just send me in to the hospital everyday. She also checked my cervix, and said I was a good 2cm, favorable, and soft. which I'm OK with as I didn't dilate early with Amelia at all. Every little bit helps! she also had me go in to the hospital an Tuesday night for an extra NST and blood work, as my bp was so high that day. That went well, but my week only went downhill from there. Lets just say that the Labetelol did NOT agree with my body. I had all of the possible side effects. The headache i have had for at least 2 weeks from the BP only got worse, and it made me dizzy and not able to think clearly. It also causes insomnia (on top of already not sleeping well from being this huge), itchy tingly skin, especially scalp (I was freaking out thinking I had lice or something!), and serious nausea (I couldn't eat at all). Add to that contractions every 10 mins for 3 days after my doc checked my cervix. It was a really long few days, and I was really glad when Paul came home from work every day! Well, Friday at my NST appointment all of this finally came apart, as i had been on the medication for a few days, was miserable, and my BP was still high! And they were not getting a good reading from Ben, as he wasn't having the accelerations in his heart rate that they wanted. I ended up being there for several hours and getting more tests done. My Dr decided to change the medication i was on to a new one and see how that went. She wanted me to go to the pharmacy asap, and then come back yesterday for another NST at the hospital (fell like this is a lot of time at the hospital? well, it is! the nurses all know me by name now!). Well I went back yesterday, and my blood pressure was OK, 136/88, but they were still having a hard time getting a good reading from him. Instead of the accelerations that they want he was having decelerations, which is definitely not what they want. So once again, we were there for a few hours, until they finally gave us the OK to go home. So now Its all a waiting game. I will be 37 weeks, full term, tomorrow, and I see my Dr again tomorrow. I hope she has some more answers for me. She said last week that I was definitely not going to make it to my due date, which means it will be less than 3 weeks. I just want to know what the plan is like in her mind and what this next 3 weeks holds!

And we finally got the family pictures we got done a few weeks ago back! we are pretty happy with how they turned out! Here's a little sneak peek for ya!

Blogger Dreams

OK, so I have now come to understand that really, I may never get any better at this whole blogging thing. But I have been doing a lot of blog creeping at some pretty fantastic blogs out there in the last few weeks, and I'm not gonna lie, I feel pretty inspired. To do what, I don't know, but I feel the urge to be better at this none the less. I'm definitely not a super craft woman like some blog ladies out there, although I do so love to read them. I'm pretty sure I'm not the kind of blogger to expend wonderful homemaking advice and info - I'm the one who needs it! And well, I'm not entirely sure our life is interesting enough for everyone to want to read every detail, but it does seem pretty interesting to us most days (Read:Interesting = crazy). But none the less, here is my blog, and I think the only thing I really want out of it is a few good laughs, a record of our lives as they really are, and time to think and relax and write (at least for now, until #2 comes). And who knows, maybe someday, if I can ever manage to keep it up, this will all eventually take shape into something - but I'm OK not counting on that.

So. Our lives right now. If you have been following or if you read the few posts before this one, you'll know that we have had a little boy living with us for the past year. That ended about a month ago pretty unexpectedly, but has been really good for our family. Having Austin with us put a huge strain on our family and caused a lot of unnecessary stress. He was a Difficult kid who had been dealt a pretty crappy deal, and it was hard not to feel for him and want to be able to make a difference. But, with the situation as it was, we eventually came to realize that we were not going to be the ones to do that anymore, and the situation had become toxic for our family. It was definitely a learning experience for us, but in the end brought us closer as a family, and especially helped Paul and I strengthen a marriage. There's nothing like a really trying manipulative 8 year old to teach you how to parent as a couple. It was also hard for me as the last few months I had a hard time feeling like a good parent, especially when Austin was home. I felt like I was always stressed out and upset, which was bad for me both physically (stress + pregnant = not good) and mentally. I felt like Amelia was also not getting the Mommy she deserved because I was always upset or tired or sick, which caused a pretty unhealthy cycle. But, since then, things in our home have taken a pretty fast and great turn upward. I realized very quickly after Austin left how toxic our home had become, and how it was hurting all of us. I feel like we have been able to relax almost instantly and just enjoy being the three of us before Ben comes. I was feeling for a while that Amelia had kind of gotten jiped in the time she has with us, and since we have been able to really be happier together and make some really fun memories. I have even noticed her come out of her shell a little more (not that she is shy or hiding at all) and she has grown and matured in our happier home environment enough that we can see it. I really wanted to make sure she felt secure and loved before Ben comes, and was wondering if we would have enough time, but Heavenly father made a way, and showed us what needed to happen, even if we couldn't see it. I'm so glad and grateful to know we have someone who loves us and our little family that much watching our for us. How can I not feel blessed?

Another sweet side effect of having a little more lime on my hands and a lot less stress has been more time to do things that I enjoy. This means more time for me to pretend I am the super crafty woman I mentioned earlier. There is no end to the very cute and cool things those crafty blog girls out there make, and my list just keeps getting longer and longer. I only have one complaint, and that is that I can never seem to find the cute cheap thrift store finds that they seem to find all of the time. Like I have been on the lookout for cool looking picture frames to paint for this project I'd like to attempt for Amelia's room, and i need a few. But all I can find is not so cute and really expensive! Turns out value village and goodwill are not my friend here like they ones in the states. I think we need a Deseret Industries here, too. Then maybe it would be kind to me! But this is all just in ideas for future projects, as lately I have been mostly crafting for and getting ready for our little man on the way. As surprised as I was to discover we were having a boy, I was excited to. But I have to confess I was also a little worried, as after having Amelia, EVERYTHING we have is pink! we did no gender neutral pre-baby shopping before we had her, so everything is very girly and far from OK for my little man. We have been pretty lucky and gotten lots of stuff from family, but I still wanted to make a few by things, as I did before Amelia. And now we're pretty much ready. There's still a little bit of moving around in the bedrooms to do to make room, but overall we're not doing too badly. It has been a really great outlet and has kept the last few weeks of crazy significantly more bearable for me. But I have to mention how good and patient Paul has been with me, especially when we may go for a few days without seeing the top of our dining room table! Oh how I love him! Hopefully I can get some pics up of my crafty endeavors soon!

I guess before I go I should put a little out there about this pregnancy, as It has been a pretty crazy ride so far. I went into early labor at 28 weeks, but gratefully they were able to stop it. I did get steroid shots though just in case, to help his lungs develop faster in the event that he did come anyway. Well, I am now 36 weeks, and despite contractions and a few concerns about his heart (we are happy to report, he has a great ticker! no problems!) things have gone relatively smoothly and we are pretty grateful to have made it this far. If he was born now he would most likely be perfectly normal and have no problems. and in 7 more days he will be considered full-term! YAY!! But I guess I should say smoothly until last. Currently I see Dr. Barnes (my OB-GYN) every Tuesday and have NST's (non-stress-tests) on the baby every Friday. Until last Tuesday the appointments have been pretty routine and normal. But last week I was in her office and she recorded my blood pressure at 142/100 (normal is below 140/90, for me about 125/80 or lower. So naturally she was pretty concerned and asked me to go right in to the hospital. I went and got Paul and we went in, and by then it was up to 149/100. I should also mention that i went into labor with Amelia at 36 weeks but it stopped and then again 10 days later they induced me because my blood pressure was too high and not going down. I was hovering around 150/100, and got up to 170/110+, if I remember correctly. They did a bunch of tests and it did go back down to normal range after a while, but I have not been feeling great since. I have got a never ending headache (which is strange because I never get headaches) and am dizzy and nauseous a lot of the time. I've been on semi bed rest since I was in the hospital at 28 weeks, but now it seems all I can do is lay down, as that is the only thing that relieves the pressure and dizziness. I have been back twice since then (thats 3 times in the last week) and my pressure has been back up. Last night I had Paul take me in to the Shoppers Drug Mart to check before we decided to go in, so it wasn't for nothing, and It was up to 153/107, which is not good. I haven't seen Dr. Barnes since this all started, but I'm hoping she has some more solid answers for me at my appointment tomorrow. Like what this all means, if she is going to induce me like last time, where the danger zone is, and what the heck I'm supposed to do at home in the meantime if I cannot measure my own blood pressure! Seems like all I know is that its dangerous for both me and him, and not what we are going to do to make sure we are both safe. Here's to hoping!

I guess this is getting a little long winded, and I need to go and rescue my little girl from her bed. Hopefully I will have more info to post tomorrow!

2 Years Already!

So I just wanted to put out there how much I love my hubby! We had our 2nd anniversary yesterday, and it was great. He is such a wonderful husband and father. He is thoughtful and loving, and puts up with my craziness. He is a worthy priesthood holder in our home, which means the world to me. He is a hard worker, and does everything he can to support our family. He can play and be silly with us at the right moment and still be supporting and loving at others. He is so important to me, and I am so extremely grateful for him and to be able to be with him for eternity!
My dearest-I Love You To The Moon And Back!

Fun Family Times

So I just wanted to tell you quick about our fun weekend! On Friday night We were able to go to the water park as a family. We have been wanting to go for a while, but as you probably know, it costs a small fortune to even walk in the door of that place, let alone anything else! We were able to go, as it was a fundraiser night and one of the school in Edmonton had rented it out and was selling tickets at the door for $10 a person. That meant that our night cost us $30 instead of $85! We did have to pay for a locker-which by the way costs an extraordinary amount at $7, but that's beside the point! Austin had a blast at their new splash park in the back and other than going on one slide with Paul he played there the whole time! Amelia also had fun and was all go go go, before we even got in. She was taking off her own clothes in the changing room and tried to put on her swim suit, but at 15 mos that it a little much! she practically ran-for a girl who barely walks-all the way out into the water. It was pretty fun to watch her, since she just started walking and has never walked in water. Her steps were way too far and exaggerated, throwing her off balance most of the time. I do wish that their toddler pool was a little better-it was too deep(up to her armpits) and she is even tall for her age. Smaller kids have to be held or play somewhere else, but there is no where. but she was content to play in the shallows of the big wave pool. We invited my sister and her husband to come, so Paul and I were able to go on a few slides and the tube ride together, which was super fun. I always love our time together, even if it is only 5 minutes and spent waiting in line or screaming our way down two different crazy slides!
Anyway, Saturday morning Austin had a soccer game and his team won 13 to 5, and then we went out to spend some time with Paul's brother Dave and his family, which was fun, albeit completely crazy. They have three foster kids under three at their house plus their 4 kids and our two. Count 'em up and you've got yourself 9 kids under 13. But we still had fun visiting and wrangling! Saturday night on the way home we decided to go and see the new Christmas Carol movie-which was awesome! The 3D effects are great and the movie was also really good. It was not what I was expecting, it was definitely more serious and had a few scary moments, but had some really funny stuff, too. We definitely recommend it. Sunday we had stake Conference, which we really enjoyed between the dirty diapers, questions from Austin, and other screaming kids. The last night we had some friends of ours-Travis & Robin come over for dinner. we ate and played for a while, again amongst the diapers and hovering! Hopefully they didn't mind too much!! Its always really fun to spend time with them and it was a great way to end our weekend. We watched a few episodes of our new obsession-BONES! and went to bed. Nothing really out there happened, but it was just a good few days for our little family!
This week is Paul's last week of school, which is really great. He will be a journeyman after this week, and I am so proud of him! Even though he will very likely not read this-I love you babe!